The American Jerk Month in Pictures

"All The News We Could Make Up While Drunk."

By Paul St. Fakename, Esq.

Bradley to staffers: "I can take him. He's got them big ears."

February 2, Columbia, SC: Losing Ground in the Polls, Bradley Challenges Gore to Fistfight, Vows to "Beat Him Like a Rented Chinaman."

According to sources who shall remain drunk, the flight of "The Flying Irishman" took place WELL AWAY from any bodies of water.

February 5, Hyannisport, MA: Senator Ted Kennedy Admitted to a Boston Area Hospital Following an "Unidentified Health Incident."

"Yes Mom, I'm eating okay. Yes, I'm wearing clean underwear. Could you send me $50?"

February 8, Phoenix, AZ: Alan Keyes Calls John McCain at 3 a.m., Says: "Do You Have Prince Albert In a Can? Yeah, I Been Drinking. Howja Know?"

"Can't we all just get along? And, you know, hate Catholics?"

February 11, Tuscon, AZ: A Desperate Bush Pleads With Hispanic Voters: "I May Not Be Hispanic, But Do You Know How Many Times a Day I Say 'Cheeba'?"

Marlboro: It's smooth flavor really takes your mind off the rampant lung cancer!

February 14, Beijing, China: Marlboro Tests New Ad Campaign: "Here Dad, Cigarettes Will Cure That Hangover!"

This joke won't be funny if he brings in Mark Hamill as his running mate...

February 19, Columbia, SC: A Jubilant McCain Found Staggering Naked With a Six-Pack of "The Force";  Later Denies Allegations He "Boinked a Couple Ewoks" at Carrie Fisher's House.

What's the word on the street, "homies". How do the "peeps" in "da 'hood" really feel about me?"

February 24, Baltimore, MD: Gore to Black Voters: "WWWWHHHHHHAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUPPPP!!!???"

Return to Main Archive Table of Contents

Return to March, 2000 Table of Contents

My Pulsating Staff   Man Suggests Slogan, Dies...   The Funny Ephrons

Month In Pictures   Squinty the Monkey

St. Patrick's Day Training Manual   Internet Relay Criminals   Bad Technician

The American Jerk™ and all contents © 1999 - 2005 by Rob Reuter and Paul St. Fakename, Esq., © 2006 by Rob Reuter.