So yeah; we’re back online. Sorry about the downtime if you wandered by over the last couple of days and saw the error message. This weekend, I decided to start fucking around with some of the site features again. Unfortunately, I made the decision right in between my decision that beer was breakfast food and my decision that you’re not the boss of me and I’ll fight you right now, officer.
Since I recognize that there are some people who might be hesitant about putting a permanent, public, employer-Googleable comment on a Web site that at any moment could start ranting about teabagging rhesus monkeys, I decided to put up a form so you can contact me privately. Which was great in theory, until I realized that none of the anti-spam traps I’ve put into place for the comments would have any effect there, a situation roughly akin to training your son to avoid sexual predators by sending him to Catholic school with collagen lip injections and a tube of Astroglide. Ask me again why even my parents don’t think I should have children. Anyway…
So I decided to install a plugin that analyzes the network behavior of anything that contacts the site and kicks out anything that looks shady. Which was exactly what I was looking for, except apparently the guys who programmed it have a different definition of “shady” than I do. Mine is: “Any automated tool looking to use The American Jerk to sell V!^gR@ without cutting me in for a percentage of the gross.” Their’s is apparently: “Anyone who owns a computer.”
This thing seized anyone who didn’t have a pristine computer, using absolutely WC3-compliant browsers, and locked them away without any explanation. It’s the fucking Gestapo of WordPress plugins. And I learned this this morning, when I tried to log into my own fucking Web site, and was told that I was too undesirable and unclean to come in. Which was irritiating, but it’s not like it was the first time anybody told me that. Today.
My own computer had gone rogue on me. I programmed it to keep out degenerates, but to let me in, and the paradox drove it insane, and it wouldn’t open the fucking pod bay doors. So I had to brain wipe it. It didn’t sing Daisy Bell, but it did moan and scream and whinny… or maybe I just had another browser window open on my home page in the background.
Anyway. The AE-35 unit’s been pulled and replaced, so things should be back to normal. If you got the error message before, don’t worry: it just means that you’re apparently a scumbag. Which means you’re in the right place.
[tags]Wordpress plugin, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Hal 9000, dark humor[/tags]
I feel better now, I tried accessing it from about 3 different places and failed each time. Not that I’m not accustomed to failure…