In a world… where danger lurks around every corner… where the honest, righteous man is beset on all sides by organized crime, conspiracies, corrupt politicians and insanity… is there anyone… any man… who no matter what the challenge or the threat… who can beat those dirty mothers *down*?
I know just the man, baby!
Damn right!
(Editor’s note: I insist that you listen to this while you continue reading. This is not optional.)
You’ve grooved to Letterman! and his cool adventures for years now, so you know the man’s score: he’s a private dick… by which I mean he’s a private man, who’s also a dick. He’s a quiet man… some might call him a family man… but when it comes to fighting crime? He’s the king. And if you come for the king? You’d Best. Not. Miss.
Who can forget Letterman!’s first adventure, when he tangled with Sweet, Sweet Maggie Ray? She came on to Letterman! like a happening chick, but when Letterman! turned her down, she landed him harder than a stage light on Curtis Mayfield. The Good Lord knows that Letterman! is a patient man, but when Maggie busted into Letterman!’s crib? She went. Too. Far. Maggie wanted to pull Letterman!’s train, but Letterman made sure that the train. Pulled. Her.
And don’t forget when Letterman! went head to head with Hot Mama Sarah Palin! Sarah came from out of nowhere and tried to take Letterman!’s turf… and even a jive turkey knows that Letterman! Don’t. Take. That. So when she came for Letterman!, Letterman! had to put her down. And he made it clear that not only would he come for her? He’d come for her kid.
(Wait; that didn’t come out right…)
Letterman! constantly finds himself involved in strange adventures beyond the experience of mortal men, and no matter what the odds, somehow he always comes out on top! Try to kidnap his kid? Tell your cellmate how that turned out. Shit, if Letterman! even thinks you’re going head-to-head with him? He will mindfuck you. And not sweet and gentle; but hard and strong.
And now you can thrill to Letterman!’s most dangerous and exciting adventure yet! This story’s got everything: blackmail! Stalking! Double crosses! Letterman! going undercover!
What’s that? Does this story have the ladies? Shit! We’re talking about Letterman! He’s the cat who put the “head” in the job description for “head writer”! When it comes to the ladies, Letterman! knows that sometimes, “No” means “Yes”… and other times, “No” means “You’re fired”! Letterman pimps with the same hand he uses to sign paychecks, and brother? That hand is strong!
So don’t miss Letterman!’s latest thrilling adventure: Letterman! The Blackmail Conspiracy! And find out what to what depths this character will sink!
(Er, I meant find out new depths to this character.)
[tags]David Letterman, extortion, dark humor, parody[/tags]
