Well, I wish I had a bunch of nifty Hollywood news to bring you from Comic-Con, but I’m sad to say that after a Saturday walking the floor, I have almost nothing to report besides chafing, and nobody wants that.
I intended to be at a couple of the high-profile Hollywood movie panels, but there were a few kinks. For example: at last year’s Comic-Con, my girl and I decided, twenty minutes before it started, that we’d like to attend the Heroes panel and meet the cast. Back then, we got in with no trouble even though we were having a personal contest while standing in line to see who could shout “Without Tartikoff and Cosby, NBC couldn’t get a hit in a kindergarten T-ball game!” At the time, the marketing drones said, “Well, at least they respect NBC history… and based on their breath, we should talk advertising with whoever manufactures Southern Comfort, or maybe chloroform…”
Now, we recognized that in the intervening year, the show’s become a hit, so we decided to get to the panel a whole hour ahead of time to make sure we got a good seat. And when we got upstairs, we saw this:
Looks demoralizing, don’t it? Well, keep in mind that this building has four hallways. And this line extended around the entire fucking building. For a panel in a room that seats less than a thousand people. So we decided to skip it, which was apparently a signal to Kevin Smith that it was safe to appear and announce his involvement in the Heroes spinoff. Since Kevin was involved, had we hung in and somehow made it into the panel, Heroes season two would be premiering in 2022.
Well, I don’t want it to be said that The American Jerk doesn’t premiere new and exciting comic news, so here’s some breaking news on the Iron Man movie. Breaking, exclusive news that you could, frankly, see on any number of comic news Web site right now. However, unlike those sites, I will never try to convince you that Brian Azzarello should be allowed to write anything more complicated than his first name:
There. With Iron Man’s Mark I armor published, that mean’s journalism is over. Now, let’s meet some freaks:
Somewhere, there’s an 8-track player complaining that this poor bastard is dead cardboard tech.
Under the lights of the main floor, the eyes and mouth of this particular intriguing Batgirl were opaque and invisible. My camera’s flash cut through some of the illusion. Now that I’ve seen Batgirl’s face, I’m wondering what part of the utility belt is dedicated to The Tuck.
All right, it’s late by local time, and I have a 9 a.m. flight back to Boston. Sometime tomorrow or Monday, I’ll have a complete recap with the rest of the freak pictures (And trust me: I have another hundred).
[tags]San Diego Comic-Con, Nerd Prom, Heroes, Iron Man, Kevin Smith, Robert Downey, Fuck Off Fake Nerds[/tags]
