The Waiting Is The Hardest Part
“I’ve been coming to Comic-Con since I was a kid, and it’s never been like this before,” the local kid named Trey said as we were being herded into a line for pre-registered attendees. The line started at gate E in the front of the building, and stretched completely around the building. Security herded us into a three-wide formation, and told us we would be processed as quickly as possible. I think one of them was asking people if they had gold teeth or platinum surgical implants, but I might have misheard. Even if I hadn’t, the sun, jet-lag and crippling sore throat from hours in airline canned air would have made it impossible to flee.
“Yeah!” The thirteen-year-old in the Yu-Gi-Og t-shirt chimed in nasally behind us. “Last year I came in a Trigun costume, and if I’d done it this year, my hair gel would have melted! Who do these out-of-towners think they are, anyway?”
“I think I’m funnelling cash into your city so they can hire enough school security to keep you from getting shoved into a locker every Goddamned day,” my girl said.
“Oh yeah? You don’t have the spirit of Comic-Con,” the kid behind us whined, “Have you ever come in costume?”
“Yes,” I said. “Last year I came dressed as a grown-up. And I guarantee you, nobody in line had the urge to spin around and punch me in the face.”
Guns, Guns, Guns
“I want to purchase all of these guns,” I told my girlfriend with my nose pressed against the glass. “I must have them. I will never get the respect I deserve at work unless I can wave around a Manmelter 3800 ZX at staff meetings.”
“Now Rob, we both know that on a good day you’ll hang it on the wall and just frighten the shit out of our imported maids.”
“But – ”
“And on a bad day, you’ll just wave them at a police officer, which will end badly. And do you really want to entrust your safety to a weapon with sharp flanges that will sever your testicles when you jam it into your pants? Now, step away from the steampunk weapons, and let’s go to the Martial Arts store up the street to get you a Mace Bomb.”
Later: Warren Ellis’s soul, Ray Harryhausen’s diarrhea, and the Great San Diego Zombie Attach of 2007
[tags]San Diego Comic-Con, Nerp Prom, WETA, ManMelter 3800, Burn The Locals[/tags]
