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Author Archives: Rob Reuter
The Last Temptation of Netflix, Part 1
The Last Temptation of Christ starts with Jesus, living in poverty and working hard on a contract gig making crucifixes for the Romans, which immediately punted my suspension of disbelief since there has never been a contractor that finished on time without skimming ten percent off the top before subcontracting the actual work to Mexicans (And don’t give me any shit about this being Israel 2,000 years ago. He was Jesus. If Jesus wanted Mexicans to handle the scut work, there would be Mexicans, you fucking blasphemer). Continue reading
Stretching the Limits of Nostalgia
And step three took most kids about ten minutes to hit… and if you went longer, it doesn’t prove that Stretch Armstrong was a good toy, it only proves that we’re better than we were in the 1970’s at diagnosing autism. [read more at link] Continue reading
Posted in Foul-Mouthed Demagoguery, General Jabbering
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Inexorable Acceleration
A “speeding Carolla” is pretty much the same as, say, a “Navy SEAL with an inner ear infection”, or a “ninja with spina bifida” – a nifty trick of the English language where a scary-sounding phrase is completely negated by the second clause. [read more at link] Continue reading
Posted in Editorial, Foul-Mouthed Demagoguery
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Single Entendre, or: You Gotta Enjoy The Little Things
Allow me to introduce you to… Porkslap Pale Ale.[see more at link] Continue reading
Posted in Dirty Pictures
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Mass Erect
I’m Space Jesus. And no matter what I do, I can’t get Space Jesus’s dick wet. [read more at link] Continue reading