Author Archives: Rob Reuter

Guess Who’s Back? Shady’s Back

Newt’s past is so checkered, particularly by conservative Republican standards, that it makes me look like a CPAC darling, and I have made life choices that have, more than once, put me in situations where I had to choose between being potentially arrested for either public urination now or wait until it turned into an arson charge. Continue reading

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Eight Ball Out, or: Two And A Half Grams

But I’m not gonna do that, because believe it or not, I actually have some sympathy for Charlie. Not much, and certainly not for his general behavior in life. It’s hard to wish anything but a hard stretch in the pen for a man who beat his wife, assaulted a hooker, and starred in The Wraith. Continue reading

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…Lest Ye Become A Monster

Back when I politely asked not to have my spine adjusted every 8/10ths of a second from Logan to Tampa, you were Brainiac SuperParent who didn’t need child rearing assistance from anyone. But now that you need to actually do something, you’re Blanche DuBois with a trick knee and a partial lobotomy. Hump your own diaper bag, genius. And count yourself lucky I didn’t spray foam insulation into the stroller seat so your kid gets scoliosis… or spray something else so he gets herpes. And probably ringworm… Continue reading

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Schadenfraud

Look, I know it’s been a while, but fuck you. It’s 2011, which means we’re in our fourth year of recession, which further means that here at The American Jerk Home Office, the last quarter of 2010 was very interesting in that Chinese curse kinda way. Continue reading

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Tragedy Is When I Cut My Finger

So, remember: if we have learned nothing else this week, we have learned one important thing: SARAH PALIN HATES… [read more at link] Continue reading

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